Empty Offices, Full Hearts: Survivor’s Guilt in Public Health - Voices 8
In this moving reflection, a public health scientist grapples with grief, survivor’s guilt, and gratitude in the wake of mass layoffs.
We continue our series Voices from the Field: Meeting This Moment in Public Health in which we lift the voices of public health professionals reflecting on the realities we’re facing today - and the lessons learned across the arc of their careers.
In this powerful reflection, epidemiologist Avital Wulz describes the emotional toll of witnessing mass layoffs that dismantled not just programs but a shared sense of purpose in public health. She honors the mentors and colleagues that she’s lost, while reaffirming the life-saving value of public health work and warning against the dangerous consequences of devaluing it.
If you’d like to follow Avital’s lead and share your own perspective on public health in these times, I’d love to hear from you. Please get in touch!
Empty Offices, Full Hearts: Survivor’s Guilt in Public Health
by Avital Wulz, MPH MSW
It’s taken me weeks to find the words.
I’m scared. I’m angry.
I’m worried and deeply disheartened.
I feel guilty for “surviving” while so many of my colleagues were let go.
And yet, alongside all of this, I remain grateful.
I joined the federal government five years ago at the start of the COVID-19 pandemic and during a time of major transition in public health. I was a young professional shaped by mentors who helped me to grow: not just as a scientist, but as a woman, and a mother. Personally and professionally, I owe so much to the brilliant, compassionate, and fiercely dedicated colleagues with whom I had the privilege to work.
Now, I walk into a mostly empty office each morning. I sit at my desk, trying to anchor myself in gratitude, even as tears swell in my eyes. I hope that this purpose and shared mission we once held is not lost amid the heartbreak, confusion, and injustice.
Because make no mistake, nothing about what has happened is right.
People I looked to for guidance, inspiration, and direction are gone. What’s left is a hollow silence, loneliness, isolation, and the stark realisation that this was not just the loss of jobs. It was the dismantling of a vital public good.
Public health is for everyone. We do this work because we believe, deeply, that every person deserves to live in safety, health, and dignity. No private sector entity will ever put that mission above its bottom line. But we did. We do.
And now, the decision to fire thousands of my colleagues makes this country less safe, less healthy, and less prepared for what lies ahead.
If someone tells you that this was about “efficiency,” they’re counting on you not to question it. But I know you’re smarter than that.
You buckle your seatbelt and put your child in a car seat because you understand the value of preventing motor vehicle injuries.
You enroll your child in swim lessons because you understand how drowning prevention saves lives.
You expect hospitals to be ready when you’re hurt because you understand the need for robust data systems that track injuries and violence.
You know that these programs work because they save lives.
So why would we dismantle them?
Avital Wulz is a health scientist working within the federal government. She is a public health social worker focused on the intersection of equity, wellbeing and prevention.
The views expressed here are those of the author and do not represent the views of any organization, employer, or institution with which they are affiliated.
If you would like to follow Avital’s example by sharing your perspective on public health right now in our new series Voices from the Field: Meeting This Moment in Public Health, please get in touch!
Action steps - a note from Katie
Thank you for reading this newsletter for and about the public health workforce. At this tumultuous time, I’m still really not sure where we go from here. But each time that I publish this newsletter and receive positive feedback from readers, my list of ideas for action steps continues to grow. I will start to compile these suggestions here. As we learn more, let’s keep adding to this list:
Do Avital’s words above inspire you? Would you also like to share your perspective on public health right now? Or write a love letter to public health? Got something to say to or about the public health workforce? Got big feelings about the RIFs or the RTO or the EOs or the BS? I would love to publish your words here as a step towards advocacy and support. Get in touch.
Let’s communicate what public health is and why it matters that so many of us have been forced to leave our jobs. What is your proudest moment in public health? Complete this form to submit your public health story to be used for advocacy.
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Do you have suggestions for how to leverage this newsletter and community to be a supportive resource to public health professionals at this time? Please get in touch.
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Got more ideas for action steps that should be on this list? You know the drill. Get in touch.
I close by emphasising what I said in a previous newsletter:
“At this time of uncertainty for the public health workforce, let’s remember our commitment to science and evidence and data. We know that validating emotions and baggage has a place too, but we need to be able to identify them and distinguish opinion from fact.
Let’s recommit to kindness and mutual support for the public health workforce and beyond. If leaders are trying to sow divisions among us, the best we can do is to respond with empathy, and by strengthening, connecting, and lifting up one another.
Right now, the best I can offer my fellow public health professionals is a place* to gather and reflect and share and vent and organize and ask questions and offer support to one another. We’re going to need that now more than ever.”
*This is a plug for the Public Health Connections Lounge on LinkedIn, where we seek to build community and conversation among public health professionals. Join us.
If you are new around here, Welcome to The Public Health Workforce is Not OK! In this newsletter, I share frank insights and start conversations about the experiences of building a public health career. You can get to know me here and here. Please subscribe, review the archive, and join the conversations in the Lounge. I am committed to keeping this newsletter free for job seekers (at least, for as long as I still have a job).